Earlier this month I ate the last of the lettuce I’ve been growing indoors since January. It was my third harvest. And also the moment I realized I had started resenting it. Not for any reason in particular—just the fact that it was still there, being leafy.
Lettuce, Finally Evicted
I planned to get rid of my never-ending tray of lettuce at the end of March after my second harvest. I was starting my seeds, thinking I'd need the space under the grow lights for more entertaining things like dahlias with drag names.
The lettuce wasn't any bother. The lights were on timers and watering was automatic. It didn’t need me to do anything so it wasn't any work - it just kept being there — and I was sick of it.
Like an orchid that will not die.
Anyway, it’s gone now. I cut it and I ate it. This concludes the 'how to grow lettuce in the winter' saga.
If you want to grow your own low-effort emotional burden, here’s how:
👉 How to Grow Lettuce Indoors All Winter
Osprey Overhead
While out with Philip, I looked up and saw an osprey flying over the soccer field with a fish in its talons. A big one. The kind that probably had plans.
It landed on the field lights, where there’s a massive nest like something out of the Flintstones perched on top. The whole thing lasted under a minute, but felt very National Geographic meets small-town rec league.
Pickled Onion Energy
I made pickled onions because my hair stylist mentioned them in passing a week ago. I’m extremely food-suggestible. A few weeks ago I went to a Golden Girls drag show and stopped for $72 worth of cheesecake ingredients on the way home.
Would you like to save this stuff?
We'll email you this post, so you can refer to it later.
Pickled Onions:
You slice an onion, dump ½ cup vinegar and ½ cup water into a pot with 1 teaspoon salt and 1 tablespoon sugar. Heat until boiling and the sugar dissolves. Pour it over a jar with sliced red onions inside.
I put my pickled onions in an empty glass jar from Foundry, a local small-batch ice cream place*. Which was a mistake. Now every time I reach for onions in the fridge, I'm disappointed they're not ice cream, and end up eating ice cream. Choose your jars carefully. Some of them have emotional power.
*A very important point that needs to be made is Laurel, owner of Foundry ice cream makes an ice cream called CEREAL MILK!
Philip’s Parisian Phase
Philip (my standard poodle) got a haircut this week. I gave him a moustache. Intentionally.
He now looks vaguely French and very sure of his place in the world. He’s developed strong opinions about jazz and when I talk to him, he blinks at me like I’ve interrupted something important.
There’s one of those recordable buttons by his food dish. I recorded the word “EAT.” He presses it when he’s hungry. He now considers the colour of the button to be tacky.
Dear professional groomers: don't judge the choppy bracelets, I'm making them a little higher and they'll blend more by the next groom.
Dear everyone else: look at the excellent job I did grooming.
That’s the week.
The lettuce is gone.
The onions are soaking.
Philip's thinking of opening a used bookshop along the Seine.
Have a good weekend.
Rebecca McCarthy
The Chives are blooming. If you put them in vinegar you get screaming pink vinegar but the chive blossoms don't have enough flavor. Now I'm thinking of combining the onions with the chive blossoms.
Phillippe is tres gentille in his new spring look. Yup I can butcher French all day because I'm from Ontario.
P.S. I have an un-killable orchid named Phillip.
bptakoma
I like to pickle my red onions along with cauliflower. I love having the pink cauliflower on my salads. Silly, and tastes delightful.
Nicole
I make pickled red onions by thinly slicing a red onion, stuff the slices into a jar then adding lime juice and salt. The lime juice just needs to go about halfway up the onion slices. Put the lid on, shake well and refrigerate - the lime juice will cover the onions within a day or so.
Randy P
As always, all your informative and entertaining gardening posts are shared with all my FaceBook family and friends. Many of whom ARE active gardeners of both edible and pleasant to view flora. My, how Philip has 'matured' into such a handsome beast. And yes indeed, your grooming skills have matured right along with him. Kudos dear lady.
Alene
Your stories are always funny, fact-filled and extremely entertaining to read.
Now knowing that you cut and style Philip, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see you adding topiary to your ever evolving list of talents.
catherine powers
Holy Cow! That shot of the osprey is Attenborough worthy!
I was pleased to read your comment about the orchids. I have looked at one or two and whispered “give up, why don’t you?!”
Thank you for another great read!
Karen
THanks! And yes, the osprey shot was just luck! And it was blurry. But that's O.K. You can tell what it is at least. ~ karen!
Joan Gordon
Hi Karen,
Phillip looks trés jolie! I did not know those ankle muffs were called bracelets. New knowledge of the day.
My local boutique ice cream shop guy also does a flavor he calls Cereal Milk. I have yet to try. He features a small selection of boozy ice creams, my fav being “Grasshoppah” (here in New England no one pronounces R in the expected place). Its a minty creme de menthe/oreo cookie concoction that is heaven.
Going on 12 straight weekends of rain here. A lot of boozy ice cream being consumed.
Karen
That's too much rain. That's a depressing amount of rain. ~ karen!
Kathie Schuler
Have you ever read "Travels with Charley", by John Steinbeck? Great book, about the author's "journey across America" with his poodle, Charley. I just finished it, and I'm pretty sure "Phillipe" wants you to read it to him. Maybe add it to his Audible account, so he can listen to it in his spare time..? Encourage him to write a book report/review for Amazon!!
🐩📚
Karen
It's been recommended to me many times! I'll have to read it. We ... We will have to read it. ~ karen!
Jackie
I can't believe you can groom your dog, why, I am not sure. Seems as if you can do everything. I bought all the grooming stuff during covid and tried to convince my 10 pound Maltipoo that I was capable. She had other ideas--like twirling despite being tethered front and back, bobbing when I was coming in with the shears and finding a way to slip despite the grooming mat. Luckily, we have very reasonable priced groomers here although you do have to put up with a random mat on an ear or a tail occasionally. I then spend the next 4 weeks trying to sneak the scissors up to snip them...which she sees and runs from.🤪
Cara
A very great post.
Karen
Thanks Cara. :) ~ karen!
Mary W
Love the mustache! I need to ask you a question - do you run your fingers through all the puffs when he sits near you? I don't know how you could resist that simple pleasure. Next assuming you do - does he ever get tired of it? or have you found the sweet spot that makes him slowly roll over and fake sleeping?
Karen
Hi Mary! I actually don't really run my hand through his legs, just his top puff and even the hair cut short on his body is super-soft after a bath and blow dry. He loves a good hard body massage from tip to tail every night. ~ karen!
Franlie
Karen, I always love your articles. They make me chuckle, often through empathetic memories of similar experiences I have had. As someone who has done much less adventurous grooming of my own dogs over the years and, since COVID and my amazing 80-year-old barber, Sergio retired, my spouse and I have been cutting each other's hai, I think you have done a well with a tough grooming job! Curly hair is always more difficult and takes experience and skill to style well, Philip's haughty critique aside. My long-suffering and stalwart spouse always approaches cutting my hair with extreme trepidation, as he fears having to sleep with one eye open in the event of a haircutting calamity. I would hope, you need not fear some sort of disgruntled retaliation from Philip.
Karen
The thought did occur to me Franlie, but so far he hasn't tried to chew my hair off in my sleep. He does retaliate by running through fields of ticks and burrs. ~ karen!
Marie R
I just started lettuce in my Aerogarden. My timing is always off and will be gone before the backyard garden gives me cukes. Great catch on the osprey photo and Philips mustache is tres chic!
Karen
Thanks Marie! It isn't a quality photo but the osprey fly by with fish all the time and it's almost impossible to get a photo if you aren't set up for it, so I was happy with my only moderately blurry shot. ~ karen!
Ella
Of course you surely mean Philippe, non? 🤣
Karen
Mais oui! ~ karen!
Mary Kessler
Happen to read this in Paris this morning-chuckled out loud-keep it up!
Mary
Karen
That's fun! Have a great time. You're there during The French Open! ~ karen
Kat - the other 1
Ooo! The talking buttons!
Did you watch Billie Speaks? Or Todd?
Or Not Mad Just Moody? (Still Billie her Madjesty's Kendra, but with the newest fluff ball in her life, the toasted marshmellow one eyed Alister Moody. Who has decided that any room his water dish is in should be a pond, lol. He also prefers to flop on his buttons rather than paw presses. 😄)
Donald Allen Koerner
Philip looks quite the Frenchman. A beret and a dangling cigarette would complete his guise. Amazon has toy cigs.
Karen
Sold. Now I need a beret, a baguette and aloofness. ~ karen!
KimS
Wow. Had you not included the comment to the "professional groomers" I wouldn't not even have thought that you did that yourself. It looks amazing! You are amazing. I'm in awe (of the lettuce growing, too....)
Terry Rutherford
We’re eating the lettuce I planted in the VegTrug in March but I take your point. I got tired of waiting for a second crop just today and planted newer lettuce seedlings in there.
Phillip looks stunningly beautiful. Let no one disagree.
I made the pickled red onions but I don’t love them. Perhaps I need more sugar. Or a fancy vinegar. All suggestions welcome. I’m making your rhubarb pie tomorrow. Fingers ei don’t mess it up.
Thank you for your midnight musings!
Karen
Oh! I completely forgot to say that the pickles are best if you leave them in the fridge a few days (even a week) before eating them. I just use them as a condiment on sandwiches and hamburgers. But if you don't like them - ditch em. And thanks, Philip is a horror and yet fun to groom. ~ karen!